Sometimes I have to learn something many times from many different directions before I really get it. This is one of those cases. Further, sometimes just a little nudge or nod towards something can unleash a snowballing of understanding and growth. It is fascinating in hindsight to think of all the coiled-up potential just sitting there (waiting unknowingly?) for the right push at the right time. Apparently, the statement in the title, suffering equals pain times resistance is a well-known theorem from psychology. A counselor of mine typed that in an email to me this week and I ran with it.
I discussed it with my wife on a walk recently to get her perspective. I’ve meditated on it and consciously tried invoking it as I was falling asleep. A corollary to this is if we accept our pain we suffer less. This really fits with a lot of my belief structure and learnings from disparate fields. It even seems to echo the familiar relation from physics of voltage (suffering) equals current (pain) times resistance. I intuitively get that voltage and current are different things. Why has it been so easy to confuse pain with suffering then? They must have different units like volts and amps, maybe something like “ouches” and “miseries”.
The trap hiding in plain sight here is that if we simply accept our pain we will suffer less, if we just accept that root canal ache or throbbing finger that got too close to the stove, we will be all better. But this really is what it is saying sort of. Don’t fight or resist the things that simply are. That finger is going to hurt for a while, it is damaged, your body is already on the scene working to fix it. But don’t compound it by fixating on it or exploring the “fairness” of it. But please, move your finger away from the stove and try not to do it again of course. Maybe that burn will implant in you a better sense of automatic injury protection. Maybe it will save your life? Thank God for our bodies that heal and minds that can learn (and unlearn).
I have spent a lifetime resisting. Resisting the unfairness in the world, the danger, the pain, the despair, the ambiguity, the opacity. However, it’s just as dangerous and painful and opaque as it is going to be whether or not I fight it. I need to stop being mad at dogs for being dog like. I seem better at accepting gravity and water’s corrosive chemistry on my possessions, why not stock market fluctuations and rain on days planned for the out-of-doors?
Sometimes we do need to look closely at that painful thing and see if it can be deconstructed a bit, like a block of Legos. Sometimes it is a collection of things, some of which are fundamental (hot stoves hurt when they are touched) yet other things really aren’t (absent minded multitasking precedes some unpleasant experiences). Don’t get mad at the stove, get aware of and act on the multitasking. Keep peeling that onion back, putting into one pile all the fundamental components that just are….that could be considered painful or pleasurable. I know that I will add hot peppers to my dishes this week. It hurts so good.
Wu Wei, action through inaction, going with the flow, acceptance, rowing you boat gently down the stream, these are not passive acts of defeat, they are active statements of presence and courage. I’ve got a head ache right now, but I’m not miserable. I am focusing on the stillness in the house, the pretty bird singing its life story in the front yard. At times when I move my head or neck it hurts. The pain signals will keep flowing whether I resist and suffer a lot or a lesser amount. I took an acetaminophen, that seemed reasonable. It isn’t cheating I don’t think. But ultimately, what the hell do I know? What do any of us know? I strive to embrace the stoics, but of course fall short time and again. I try to not have a vested interest in how things turn out, which path the universe sends me down, but a mild preference seems healthy.
