I ask myself these four questions every morning: am I alive, am I loved, do I love someone, and are most of my basic needs basically met? I honestly don’t know how to advise if someone answers no to any of them. I am no more an expert than you. I can only offer the approximate location of meaningful sign posts and blind cliffs. I have always, even in my deepest pit of depression or most anxiety filled mornings of financial dislocation been able to answer yes to all four. Every single day the answers were yes; and most importantly, I knew they were yes. I could feel that they were yes. Some days it is terrifying to answer yes, and other days exhausting. I began this way this morning. I intend to begin tomorrow the same way.
But even if someone answers no to one or more questions, we should still begin this work. We can only start from where we are not where and when we are hope to be. Fortunately, the majority of people should be able to answer yes to all four. The yeses will obviously be very different from place to place. My yes may look foreign to you. And to further triage humanity, if many of the remaining souls who felt themselves slipping through this sieve could simply feel safe enough they could be nudged closer to a universal “yes”. If we can address 90% of the cases, we do this. If we can address 70% of the cases, we do this. And by doing so we would change the world in such wonderful and unexpected ways as to house the homeless and feed the hungry and love those feeling unloved. We would lift multitudes from the dank scary land of “no” to the land of at least “maybe”. For how can any of us sleep at night knowing that there are many still unable to answer yes today, or next month. Nothing begins getting better until something begins getting better.
Go with our strengths. Build on the good. Show the light how to drive out the darkness. So much of our world we unknowingly build as we walk blindly through it. Our day is better simply because we believe it can be better. We will into existence the world we inhabit. I am alive today and so are you. There are people who love me and I know that there are those that love you. I know this. There are people I love. Are there not for you? Maybe it is hard to find such a person at this moment of pain or despair or fear. But, that Grandparent or friend from third grade or smiley stranger from the other day is still alive in us and the world around us. Love them. Love your Grandmother from 1982 or your favorite musician that left this world before you entered. Love MLK or Mr. Rogers or love yourself! You are lovable. Surely someone has smiled at you? Begin with that smile.
The last question, are most of my basic needs basically met? I challenge those reading this right now to not answer yes. At least right now (clapping my hands to punctuate “now”). Of course, a massive proportion of humanity lives unsettlingly close to the edge. There are millions living as far as the eye can see in food insecurity simply because we cannot share?
But in this moment do you not have a beating heart and at least some shelter and meaning and food? Are there not some safety nets, even if woefully inadequate. Maybe your stomach is growling. Maybe your roof is leaking. But do you still anticipate being alive tomorrow? Our strength can only gain, our odds of finding increasing safety and even comfort and purpose can only go up if we celebrate that we are still here, we are still able to love and be loved in return.
I know that I am spreading some joy and strength when I train myself to begin every morning by cultivating compassion and gratitude. I have felt this many times, both as the “giver” as well as the “receiver”. I know that I can always do more, do better, do different. I know that I will be able to answer yes the more easily you are able to answer yes. We are social animals. We should never be content with answering these questions in isolation. Check in on a friend. Feed someone. Volunteer. This is both a responsibility and a privilege! To receive, give.
