Obviously, all living things, including us, make assumptions. We all need to in order to survive. Imagine if a rabbit or a George had to determine from scratch whether or not there was a significant danger posed every single time he (or she) encountered a fellow person/rabbit. Imagine if we had to run complicated biochemical tests on every single “carrot-like” thing that we found in our refrigerator, just to determine if it was safe to eat? We don’t. We assume that things that look like carrots that are in refrigerators or grocery stores or farmers markets are likely carrots, and we assume that we know enough about carrot diversity and safety to eat the darn thing. If we found a carrot like thing on a hike we may or may not feel the same way. Carrots discovered in bathroom stalls are likely not good to eat. And, this is all just about carrots!
What else do we make assumptions about? Are all (insert racial group or gender or age demographic or whatever else makes sense here) lazy? Are all (say blondes) dumb or fun or easy going or left-handed or good at ping pong or are secret geniuses? What assumptions do we make about places or foods or activities? And most crucially, what assumptions do we make about our own self?
Are you convinced that you are stupid or unlovable or deserving of abuse or omnipotent? Do you always seem to pick the longest line at any checkout you encounter? I am convinced that I am worse than the average person at this. There is probably some Malcom Gladwell book that explains much of this.
Do you feel that you are “bad at math” or are nearly always “the smartest person in the room”? Some of our assumptions are likely way off, some are likely pretty true. Some become self-fulfilling prophecies. Tell yourself something long enough and even if it wasn’t true at one time it grows more and more likely to become true as the days and years go by.
The most important subcategory of assumptions is not only those that we form about ourselves, but specifically those that we form about ourselves that we are not even aware of. These silent barriers that we erect without being aware of their existence. Personally, a powerful for me that took me years of introspection and work to uncover was that I was convinced that I was a victim. I carried this secret bias wherever I went, even though I did not know it was in tow. It was such a powerful tool and albatross at the same time. It allowed me to remain hypervigilant for threats (vigilant is good, hyper vigilant is not!) while also simultaneously allowing me to shift blame for any short coming of mine. It was a permanent and depressing “get out of jail card” that I had glued to my forehead that I never knew was there until someone helped me see it.
Do you assume that you “did it all without any help”? Do you assume that you will always have a great (or horrible) relationship with your Mom (or youngest cousin)? Do you assume that God is ubiquitous or fictious? Do you assume that “someone will take care of climate change” or that “it is all a big hoax”? Do you assume that all your countrymen and women share your values or sense of urgency on a particular topic? Do all people fight fair? Do the ends always/sometimes/seldom/never justify the means?
We could all be happier individually and collectively if we could all be both honest enough and curious enough to explore our biases and assumptions. We can never get to solutions for anything big without doing this work. “We” means all the Joes and Marys as well as all the nations and families. And like nearly everything, the work needs to begin inside, quietly while we are at rest. Just as the patterns and shapes of the leaves on a tree repeat in the shapes and patterns of the forest, so too does honest exploration ripple out like fractals from you and me to our communities and societies.
