This is essentially the thesis of all my work. The greatest realization that I want to share with the world. The one truth that freed me more than nearly any other. We fundamentally do not understand happiness. We mistakenly believe happiness is like winning the lottery or is related to the particulars of who and where and when we are born. More money and straighter teeth equal more happiness. Actually, some cultures consider crooked teeth desirable as they conjure images of youth, so even our incorrect understandings are built on culturally specific assumptions! Whether you are sick or healthy young or old literate or not you (and I and the next person you see today) could be happier, can be happier, period.
Happiness is practice. Happiness is active. Happiness cannot sit quietly or rest or be measured out. Happiness is optimism and gratitude. Happiness is feeding our healthy thoughts and actions and weaning resources from our less healthy ones.
The number of unique paths to happiness are infinite, so whether a particular event seems to greatly increase or decrease the number of paths is just an illusion. Infinity is infinity. Losing that job or finding out you need a root canal takes away some really obvious paths, some really familiar ones, but there are still billions of others out there to be discovered and practiced. We cannot confuse happiness with pleasure. We cannot confuse happiness with fame or fortune or fine wine. We can use happiness as a proxy for compassion and calm and love and purpose.
We have a responsibility to and the privilege of sharing our happiness with others. The needs are seemingly infinite. Walk down nearly any city street, read virtually any newspaper. We are not happy because we think that we are separate. We aren’t. The illusion of separateness is insidious. The person under the cardboard box along the freeway is me and you. When we really feel this the misery will lessen. I’m still working on trying to figure out how to be hopeful and want to joyously and courageously work to help these truly desperate and hopeless parts of me. I don’t have the answers. I feel like a fraud at times. I also know that at other times I do good things and I am happy and that I share this happiness. It is a lifelong learning path. We can never by definition do enough. We can also always be doing more. We are also always doing something.
We can never be happy though. It is not a destination, it is a practice, a path. It is more like a verb than a noun. It is active not passive. It is a flame; it requires continuous access to the outside world though oxygen and fuel. It can go dim or even out, but it can be rekindled. Happiness cannot live in a vacuum. There is so much misery and despair in the world because we are not looking outwardly to share and take oxygen and fuel. Is there really any happier feeling than doing something unexpected and kind for another person, or even an animal or a plant. Really. The happiness is just sitting there waiting for us. There is always someone in need, there is always someone diagnosed with a terminal illness every day. There are countless opportunities for us to help others and ourselves.
Happiness is turning off the TV. Happiness is listening to soothing music when we are driving. Happiness is writing four things that we are thankful for each morning. Happiness is taking a walk. Happiness is hugging someone. Happiness is working year after year to change the negative tapes that play in our heads, those nagging voices feeding some outdated purpose, with healthier ones. I am safe. I am loved. I can love. I love. I am good enough. There will always be tragedies but there will also always be those that run into the burning buildings (thank you Mr. Rodgers). Happiness is giving away to receive more. It is one of the few perpetual motion machines that I know of.
Maybe I should have begun with mindfulness. Is mindfulness the same as happiness, are they just different words for the same thing? Are all things just different words for the same thing? Is compassionate confidence happiness? Today commit to doing something joyous and kind and happy. We never “get” there but we can always be and actually are “moving” in that direction.
