I learned recently that emotions are simply a fleeting cascade of chemical processes in the body that last for about a minute and a half. Ninety seconds to ripple ebb and flow through us. Yet, I can promise you that I seem to get stuck on a feeling quite often for what seems like an entire day, if not months on end. It is in these instances that I keep feeding the emotion, re-birthing it via my reactions, thoughts, and interpretations. The tensed body and breath, unable fully let-go, keep pumping lifeblood into that original emotion. I’ll just boldly assert that I am not alone in this!
Do my “negative” emotions tend to reverberate through my vessel longer than my “positive” emotions? Are there such things as “negative” emotions? Are problems simply misunderstood opportunities? Have I learned how to avoid the pull of victimhood yet? Victimhood seems to super charge emotions. And of course if we are stoically rooting for the Yin emotions (if there is such a thing) we must also accept the Yang emotions. It can’t all be caviar and champagne. Can you even imagine if that is all that it was? We would start craving a PN&J soon enough.
Can’t we all withstand ninety seconds? Would we really fear anything if we knew that it would only last for ninety seconds? But how many days does the pain of a break-up or an “F” on a midterm last?
Why do I automatically focus on minimizing the upsetting emotions rather than learning to feed and extend the comforting ones? Again, am I an outlier in this? I do know that the distress we feel from a loss is more impactful on us than the joy we receive from a gain. Maybe it is simply self-preservation. It is more important to notice the lion than the flower if we want to live another day. I don’t even give consideration to the lion’s perspective!
One real challenge for me lately is dealing with the emotions that I inherit from my sleep and dreams. Waking up in an emotionally charged state because of distressing dreams or unconscious ruminations, which in many ways we are unable to discern from reality, puts me at a real disadvantage for the day. Curiously it seems the opposite is less common for me, starting off the day with a free dose of feel good spilling over from my sleep. I realize the world I live in is far from a vacuum.
I know that simply having the knowledge that my negative emotions are short-lived has the potential to really help me with emotional regulation. While I know that many days I seem to be stuck inside of an unwelcome emotion (guilt, fear, shame) from morning to bedtime, I know that I have some control. I can (hopefully) learn to stop feeding it. Or maybe I can learn to recognize and feed my healing emotions (connections, love, content, calm) when they come calling. So many things to learn. How do puppies and trees seem to do this so effortlessly?
