Raymond Underberg

I practice yoga and go for a long walk every day. I meditate every day. I go to the mountains to hike the countless trails through the Cascades once the snow melts out and only stop hiking once it returns. I see a counselor every week. I hug my wife at least a couple times […]

A powerful learning for me after several years of counseling was to understand coping mechanisms and see and own mine. We all have coping mechanisms (CM). At some point in our lives a particular CM produces more benefit than detriment. At other times, it is mostly harmful. Often, we outgrow CMs though it may take

This is something that I have been working on for many months, likely years. I know that it is the healthiest way to live. I know that I want to live this way. It is really hard, but I am making progress. I can only offer my first-hand experience embracing this, working it from my

I know what you mean. If I were you. When that happened to me. The list goes on and on. Often well intentioned, though not always. We can never know what it is like for someone else. We can never know what it is like to walk in their shoes. Even if that person checks

Something that I do every year or so is to take a very detailed inventory of how I spend my time. I try to find a week that seems that it will be pretty typical for me, no unusual plans, and carry a little pocket notebook. I record what I am actually doing for each

Good enough. Clean enough. Straight enough. Complete enough. Birthday cakes and front lawns. Lists of chores to do and places to visit and holiday cards to send. Good enough is enough. It is wonderful. It took me most of a lifetime to realize this and feel comfortable (enough) with this. Please don’t wait as long

The more we give the more we receive. I really believe this with my whole being. Also, miraculously, the more we give the more we still have that we can give away! It is like a perpetual motion machine, sorry thermodynamics. The receiving is not a quid pro quo transactional process with a rigid time

I am looking out the window at a grove of tall trees. They look so stable, so permanent, so balanced. They don’t look like they are nervous or lack self-esteem. I know that every little vibrating bit of the universe is in constant motion including these trees, never static, never perfectly still. Did I just

I ask myself these four questions every morning: am I alive, am I loved, do I love someone, and are most of my basic needs basically met? I honestly don’t know how to advise if someone answers no to any of them. I am no more an expert than you. I can only offer the

Covid has obviously impacted essentially every person on the planet. It has devastated families and taken millions of lives and livelihoods. There is a dark pool of undiagnosed depression and anxiety in far too many places that will have to be addressed eventually. For my immediate family, fortunately, the impact has simply been to force