I’ve really been struggling with this. I believe that I do the “right” thing most of the time, at least as often as the average person, for whatever that is worth. We will just assume of course that there is always a “right” thing which of course isn’t true! But, I know I don’t always do things for the right reason. I’m sure many of us struggle with this component of “right action”. But for me the motivation is often because it either makes me feel righteous or proud or because I then feel entitled to receive thanks and recognition or believe that karmically I will be taken care of (safe I guess). If I am not acknowledged or something bad still happens to me somehow related to that action (at least in my mind) I then have the added opportunity to feel victimized. I can even spiral into the familiar and safe space of depression. We do what feels familiar, whether that is going back to an abusive relationship or being mean to the “other” or forcing ourselves into a victimized depressed sleep-walk through life. How often are we living rather than simply trying hard to not be dying?
What if I actually did the right thing simply because it was the right thing? What if I acted more like Fred Rogers, at least my image of that lovely man. If I can learn to do this more often it will launch me into a virtuous cycle of happiness begetting more good actions which will enable those around me to be their true compassionate selves doing more good things and feeling more happy and eventually inspiring me to do the right thing for the right reason some day when I need that. I know that the only thing standing between us and paradise is our own silly scared monkey brain egos and ids and identities and all that. We all know this, and if not, likely because we never really thought about it. As a people we have more labor and food and resources and compassion than we could ever possibly “consume”….and the whole time if we could get past that shrouded barrier we would be creating even yet more!
The roll models are all around us. The universe was so transparent in introducing me to my recent shared-ride driver. He seemed on the surface to have a somewhat challenging life. My assessment of him may be inaccurate or simply driven by stereotyped assumptions. But the challenges he spoke of seemed to not phase him. He seemed so calm and happy in his uncertain state. He offered us butterscotch candies, and I am sure it was because it was just a nice thing to do, the right thing for the right reason.
Maybe I know the entry point into this new world. Maybe it is simply doing and not trying. Maybe it is acting as if. When I occasionally find myself in that world I note that the peace and good feeling seems so complete and clean and accessible. Why do I find it such a hidden world to re-enter? Maybe another door I could use is to simply be present. To turn off my monkey brain. Breathe. Just breathe. God I hope that I have been writing these posts for all these years for the right reason. I don’t even know how to determine that. I am sort of terrified find out. I don’t even know how to allow others to help me in this process. I guess I will just have to just keep practicing and believing and trusting the path and my adult self.
