There are countless myths that we have heard, or used, or espoused so many times that we think they are actually true. One of the most pernicious and dangerous of these is that fairness is real; that fair exists. It really doesn’t matter your life philosophy, religion, paradigm, or orientation, fair is not real. Hurricane destruction is not fair. Genocide and war are not fair. Winning the lottery is not fair; nor is not winning it. Politics, love, and business are not fair. Fair has never and will never exist.
While for some this thought may be disquieting, to others, looking at it more completely and dare I say fairly, this is liberating. If fair does not exist, neither does unfair. There is not anyone out to get us. The clouds, the Gods, diseases and fortunes are not consciously deciding who to visit in order to keep some sort of “fair” balance in the cosmos. Sometimes bad stuff happens; sometimes good stuff happens. Some people live lives like Job from the Bible, others live lives like Michael Jordan or Madame Curie or the homeless clinging to life under highway overpasses.
But with any privilege comes an equal measure of responsibility. We cannot bemoan the unfairness of our work life, love life, or social life. It is not unfair; neither is it fair. Whatever endorphin release we get from repeatedly invoking the “woe is me, this is so unfair” defense will need to be given up. We need a new way to really see the world. We need a new identity. While life might not be fair, it isn’t too bad either. We are not victims. We are in charge.
Childhood had the tooth fairy and Santa Claus; adulthood has fairness. By giving up on this foolish notion of fairness, we help ourselves avoid other pitfalls. If we know that the oak tree simply fell and smashed our new car, nothing more, nothing less, we can minimize our anger. It is still pretty frustrating to see that week-old car mangled in the driveway, but we don’t need to spiral out of control with rage at the Gods or the Universe or the Democrats or the Republicans or the property developers. Learning to short-circuit our anger is just a great thing to do….anger generally leads to some dark places and thoughts. Anger is really hard on the body anyway. How many relationships or positive life lessons are borne from anger?
While avoiding anger becomes easier, other more positive things become easier to access and embrace as well. We can be freer to be courageous and compassionate. We can dare to lead with love and understanding, knowing that there isn’t some cosmic conspiracy working against our good deeds and actions. And once again, being proactively compassionate does not happen in a vacuum….it ripples out in all directions around us. It even helps others in our proximity in their struggles to unshackle themselves from false beliefs and illusions. These people in turn, embracing their new freer more empowered identity are able to help those around them without effort. The power and reach of love and compassion is boundless, flowing forth from such unlikely places as this, a dispelling of our lifelong imaginary beliefs. Let it flow!
