Sentient beings aren’t really that complicated conceptually. We have an instruction set (DNA) to specify chemical reactions and some sort of network of brain cells that control our actions, feelings, and thoughts (more chemical reactions). We are just a bunch of chemical reactions. While this may be rather unromantic, it is also equally encouraging. If there is something that brings us unhappiness, we just need to figure out how to turn off or down some chemical reaction or turn up or on some other reaction. That’s about it!
If you are sad that your relationship with your spouse isn’t as great as you would like it to be start hugging him/her more often. Act “as if” your relationship was great. You will still get those same happy “hug molecules” released into your blood as if you “really” meant it. Plus, if you do it long enough you likely will start to really feel it, really mean it, it will grow into a real genuine act. Soon you will be unable to not hug your spouse on a regular basis…..you faked it until you made it. You acted “as if”.
If you are one who instinctively sees the glass as half empty, or worse, are convinced that it was full and some #$@$*@!! drank half of it, instead act as if you are optimistic. You could even write a book about positive life lessons to try to teach yourself how to be positive and optimistic (mea culpa). Force yourself to list four positive things daily that you are grateful for, and/or tell yourself out loud several times a day how successful you are or how well liked you are or how good your hair smells. We all have things that we are grateful for, we all have strengths, we all have accomplishments, and we all have reason to be happy and proud and hopeful.
The flip side of this is equally true. If we tell ourselves that we are “bad at math” or “dumb” or “ugly” or whatever else, we start growing towards making that true no matter the reality. If we tell ourselves something long enough it starts to become true. With this realization, why not tell ourselves that we are “happy” and “loved” and “smart”. The first step towards being loved is telling ourselves daily that we are loved or at least loveable. And then codify that by acting “as if” we are loved. We will send off different messages and energy into our environment making us more “loveable”. We also on some level cannot tell the difference between dream and reality, between being loved and acting as if we are loved.
Ultimately it comes down to bravery, faith, and tenacity, as pretty much all things really do. We have to be brave to act as if we are happy when we do not really feel that way. We have to have faith that if we hold our beloved every single night we will grow the love to fill in any voids. We have to be tenacious and unrelenting in our determination to “live as if” until one day we realize that we are no longer faking it!
