Much of deciding to live a healthier and happier life is consciously deciding to life optimistically. This likely is a foreign orientation or even a scary or blasphemous thought to many. Mea Culpa. It can be difficult to be hopeful in a world of single-digit congressional approval ratings and ongoing international genocides, but we have to try. But this is also a world of people running into burning buildings to save strangers and children giving their allowance money to charities to help people they have never met. We will be happier and healthier if we courageously decide to live assuming the best.
Why did the guy cut in front of you in traffic? Why did your neighbor vote for “the other guy”? Why did your friend send such a terse reply to your text that was asking simply how they were doing? It is very human to associate a reason with every action or thought or outcome. It is also very human to insert ourselves at the center of that reason. For many we assume the worst, we self-deprecate, we get mad, we get sick. What if we decided that every person was doing their best? What if we decided to forgive people for actions that upset us? Imagine how much lower our blood pressure would be. Imagine how much more effective our immune systems would be operating. Imagine how much happier we would be!
A good deal of our own unhappiness resides in the narratives that we tell ourselves about the actions around us. It is not the actions of others, it is our re-action to and internalization of what we believe to be the actions of others. There is a whole lot of opportunity for misreading, misanalysing, and mal-adapting. Why not start instead from a place of assuming the best coupled with blanket forgiveness? We can still act. We can still decide to engage or withdraw. We can still build a better world with less or more of whatever we were considering. We are not condoning or facilitating, nor are we being victimized. We are just unshackling ourselves.
Personally, this is something that I have been working on for years. I used to really be horrible at it. Some days I still am. But I am getting better and I know that it is making a positive difference in my life and those around me. There really is little downside. We are training ourselves to not fight unnecessary fights, to not burden ourselves without cause. I mention the driving situation because that remains one of the hardest for me. I am still not happy with the person that I often am when I am behind the wheel and I am working at being patient and kind and optimistic and proactive (and safe and efficient as well….these are not mutually exclusive!)
The most powerful place to begin this re-orientation to the world is with us. We need to learn to first forgive ourselves and assume that we are doing our best. If we are not doing our best (or near best as their really is no such thing as best) and have no good reason why we are not then we should try to do better. If we are doing our best then we should learn to be kind to ourselves. It is a practice. It is a process. It may start off as contrived wrote but eventually we will start to feel it. Once we master being kind to ourselves we can practice being kind and forgiving and assuming the best for those we have healthy relationships with. These are good people to start with as it is easy to conjure up memories of good healthy times with them. Once we get good at that we can venture further into the world. Eventually we can decide that the guy who cut us off in traffic was taking his pregnant wife to the hospital to deliver their first-born child. Forgive that person and let it go!
