There is so much to learn. For a day, or really better yet a lifetime, just observe. Don’t judge, which will help prevent getting angry or feeling entitled or any of those other distracting things. Just observe. What makes me mad? How does my body feel when this or that happens or is said or is smelled? How do people interact? What gives me joy or fear or shame?
I did a decent job of this yesterday. I had to keep reminding myself throughout the day to keep that particular lens in front of me. I noticed that as the day went on the easier it got. I was in a text conversation with a friend and kept noticing that I was getting activated. Once aware of that I was able in real time to step out of my body and just watch myself and how I reacted to incoming texts. I learned more about myself and specifically my ego. Egos are such an odd thing. So mysterious, so Wizard-of-Oz-like.
I’ve even carried this new perspective into this morning as I sit here typing away awaiting the furnace to warm this room. How can the rain mean so many things to me? It can be comforting and soothing and reassuring. Here in Seattle it can be frustrating and numbing. Can I not remember that the lush green giants in my backyard are only possible because of it? I could not live without them. I actually hug them occasionally. I should name them…how have I never thought of that until now?
A good place to begin observing is when grocery shopping. It is a magical time for me. I am nearly always my most compassionate outwardly proactively bodhisattva self that day. I look for old people or short people in need of help reaching a box on a top shelf or loading a heavy thing into their cart. I am (nearly) always full of gratitude that day. I get to feel overwhelmed at the myriad of crackers available when trying to select just one type. The beautiful produce from foreign warm lands right here in Seattle nearly at the 48th parallel as winter approaches nonetheless! It is so easy, almost inevitable, to feel blessed, privileged, even responsible in a good way. Responsible for sharing that joy with Jen the cashier and Nat the bagger and Jess the pharmacist (I’ve changed all their names to protect their identity, but they are real people I love to say hi to each week). I know that I brighten their workday each time I say hi to them by name.
If I can remain in this frame of mind today what new will I learn? Will I be able to remain open to discovery if what I discover is dark or scary or shameful? Will this ever become my default way of moving through the world, fully embracing the now, wrapping myself in the beautiful suchness?
