It really is that simple. Let go. I’m not going to look to see if I wrote about this before as I’m nearly positive that I have. But of course, my multi-year outpouring of free life lessons and pitfalls and learnings is about me and you and my daughter and the world in general. It is to help me on my journey, help my daughter on hers, and anyone and everyone else who might stumble upon it. Life is simple. Life is really difficult too 🙂
I’ve been facing a whole host of interconnected challenges over the past year of mind and body. Of course the same could really be said of society at large. Funny how that works out isn’t it? But when I experience the most release, the most growth, the most peace is when I (re)-realize that the answer is right there. Let go. Let go of all the things that I am steadfastly and stupidly holding onto. Let go of youth and fairness and control and outcome and predictability and logic and expectations. Also let go of victimhood and fear and sadness and anger. Let go. Let go Raymond. Let go.
I know that misery is pain times resistance…so why do I resist so damn hard all the while convincing myself that I want to reduce my misery? Am I really that dumb? Part of the answer is that I’m pretty sure that there are still parts of me that want to remain in victimhood. Familiarity is an addictive homeostatic state for us humans. The familiar is sought even if that familiar state is misery. Part of it is that I continue to have a giant chasm between what my mind knows and what my heart knows. The disconnect between what I know to be true and what I feel to be true is vast. I can’t tell if it is shrinking over all these years of work or not. I think it is. I think that I want it too. Maybe part of the challenge is that I am still asking the wrong questions. Maybe I know the answers but have yet to discover the questions.
One new addition to my tool box has been an explicit focus on relentless reframing. I try really hard to maintain the perspective of looking at everything as a gift. Not focusing on what I do not have or no longer have or am not capable of, but what I do have, what I can do. Sounds so simple, so logical, so easy? Some days it is easy, others it is not. For me it begins every morning with writing the date and then “I am grateful for:” followed by at least four items listed. Some are really easy and are recycled. Good coffee. Sun in the winter in Seattle. My wife and other key humans in my life including all my helpers. Some days the best I can come up with is “reduced anxiety”. I really try to force myself to acknowledge all the gifts in my life. No, really I do try!
I have always liked to play with mental images and metaphors and thought experiments. One that is really helpful for me which I will likely be exploring in my art over the coming months is the image of someone straining to hold onto a ledge. I am working with this image. Sometimes it is just a close up on the ledge and tense fingers. Other Times it tells a story by panning back a little further to show some perspective. The images I am playing with are of either really comforting things below the person, outside their awareness, or the flipside, a dystopian hell above the ledge that they are curiously holding onto trying to climb up onto. Sort of flipping heaven and hell. Sometimes a combination of the two. Items that could be below us include the ground a mere few inches below the dangling feet (it will be okay, let go). Or a loved one a few feet below safely opening arms to catch their beloved (it will be okay, let go). Above could be fire and desolation and wild animals. Mad Max above and support and Love below.
Remind me why I am still clinging with clinched-grip afraid to let go? No, really, I am dying to know!
