This is something that I have been working on for many months, likely years. I know that it is the healthiest way to live. I know that I want to live this way. It is really hard, but I am making progress. I can only offer my first-hand experience embracing this, working it from my mind to my heart and my gut. When I am successful at really letting go of my attachment to the outcome of something, and especially if that something is a big deal, the calming energy is overwhelming. It is possible that this is something that others learned to do as children; that would make some sense. But my guess is that it is not and that this is not something most of us are good at.
Today was one of those days when I really embraced this concept. I was working on something related to my daughter’s school and almost spontaneously at some point today I really “got it”. I really lived it. I still have a preference of what the outcome of this work will look like. I still care. I still work hard. But; and this is crucial, I am okay with whatever happens. The specifics of this “case” are irrelevant. Assume that I have been working on, and fretting over, and not making much head way on having an impact on key decisions in her school district that I feel are not being made wisely. Maybe it was helping select lunch items. It really doesn’t matter!
Here is why it is so important to “do your best-ish, and let it go”. I cannot possibly know what the best option or path is. Heck, I would argue that there is no best path. I can work super hard to influence something in a particular way, but I could work forever on it and maybe not have any impact. I could even make it less likely to occur as I think I want it to by all this work! Maybe recycling plastic shopping bags and aluminum cans means that we are destined to think this is good enough and never tackle the issue head on. Maybe we are hurting the environment by recycling. Do your best-ish, and let go. I have more strength to work and better myself and the world because the massive anchor of attachment from around my neck has fallen away.
I’m not that smart or important or dumb or meaningless! Neither are you. Ahhh, so freeing to realize this. We cannot live forever, we cannot be safe, we cannot make perfect decisions, we cannot be perfectly happy. But we can have a good shot at living a good long life making decent decisions, being honest, living with integrity, being safe enough, living bravely, and be reasonably happy. More would simply be gravy at best and a dangerous illusion at worst.
From many years of study and practice in the space of “Eastern thought” I have gathered that “attachment is the root of unhappiness”. I get it now. Attachment comes in many forms. Attachment to identity. Attachment to concepts like fair or justice. Attachment to living. Attachment to the corner office or the promotion or getting a “yes” from the cute guy/gal that you just asked out. My recent reading in stoicism also seems to suggest this is a fruitful path. Another way to phrase this might be “don’t have expectation”, or “take what comes”, or “que sera sera”, or go with the flow, or a thousand other things.
I will sleep well (enough) tonight, and I hope you do as well! If I don’t, that is okay as well.
