The closet is not just a hiding place for those battling sexual identity issues, it is an enormous equal opportunity host for virtually all of us. We all have something that we are closeted about. Maybe we are “out” to a few safe friends or a small circle in those in our life, but many of us are still in the closet about something at least to some folks.
Are you somehow ashamed or embarrassed about a chronic health condition (mea culpa)? The CDC says six in ten US adults have a chronic disease and four of those six have at least two chronic conditions (note 1). Have you battled depression/anxiety/OCD/PTSD/bi-polarism/mania/schizophrenia or any other mental illness / mood disorder (okay, mea culpa again)? According to NAMI nearly one in five US adults experience mental illness in a given year (note 2). Are you in the LGBTQA+ community? Do you have debilitating insomnia? Do you have surprisingly low self-esteem? Do you not really like Star Wars or Harry Potter or Christmas or something else that seems like everyone else likes? Do you have a criminal record or a current or previous drug/alcohol problem? Are you prejudiced? Do you have a chip on your shoulder that you are not proud of? Do you have a relative that you are embarrassed to be around? Is your marriage falling apart? Are you self-conscience of something as trivial as your spelling ability (yep, we are out there)? Have you experienced food insecurity? Have you lost a job or housing? Have you failed spectacularly at something? Worse yet, have you not really failed at anything because you are too afraid to ever really try anything (I’m getting better about this, I really am)? Were you really cruel to someone in elementary school (I really am sorry James)? Are you terrified that you are a horrible parent, child, spouse, citizen, or point-guard?
The point is we all carry around some baggage. We all live slightly shorter and/or less happy lives lugging this crap with us. We would all be so much healthier and happier and kinder and more fun to be around if we could just step out of the closet. Of course, there are real considerations in choosing to do so. There are potential prices to be paid personally and/or professionally. We could even be putting ourselves in physical danger by confronting someone or something that is hurting us. Change is often difficult and scary and complicated.
We can make the world so much better by addressing this in whatever way feels safest. We can create an environment where others feel safe to come out of their closet or closets. We can “model” good behavior by coming out ourselves. We can volunteer to help those battling any of the myriad of life attributes causing discomfort, pain, fear, or embarrassment. We can be kind and positive. We can turn off and no longer feed the cynical and mean-spirited forces all around. We can have the courage to live fully in who we are, without asking for permission and without making excuses. We can have the compassion to allow all those around us to do the same. We can have the courage to admit our shortcomings and commit to improving. We can forgive ourselves for these and all the other things that may be completely beyond our control.
It should be obvious that the extension of this thinking is that we should not judge others; we never know what they are struggling with. A corollary is that we don’t need to be so afraid or self-conscience; everyone wears a mask from time to time. Others aren’t so perfect and we aren’t that bad. We are often comparing the version of ourselves visible through our personal lens (dangerous enough by itself) to our perception of people and events external to us. We are all just fumbling around in the dark trying to find our way out of the closet. If we lead with truth and compassion most things sort themselves out. If we trust and act and forgive ourselves and others we can all live happier and healthier. Sign me up!
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