Most of us are not aware of this, but we are either trying to maximize happiness or minimize unhappiness, as a general orientation towards life. And, the two are very different. However, there really is no need to spend any more time than necessary playing defense in life. Life is meant to be lived on offense. Sunrises and deep roasted coffee and romance are offense. Lowered expectations and fat free cookies and that job we don’t really like are defense.
Once we spend months or years primarily in one of these two camps it makes it very difficult to leave. Everything about us changes to match that approach…grabbing for the rings or defending the hard-won gold. Our body position, our words, attitude, immune system, collection of friends, daily activities, it all evolves into a self-perpetuating broad moat to keep us in either camp “offense” or camp “defense”. Likely, for many of those that have spent years in one camp exclusively the thought that there could be a different way of being or living is foreign. This could very well be the case for the vast majority of humanity.
I may be in the minority, but I am very aware that I have been playing defense for many years now and am ready to return to the other side of the ball. It feels like a birthing process. It feels as if I need to push years-worth of decaying matter out of the way….material that once provided a feeling of safety or even purpose but now is more likely to harbor disease. During this conscience process I have been physically sicker than at any time in life. This is not surprising. I am literally casting off a decaying shell to emerge a new warrior for love and truth and hope and me! It would be much easier to return to my familiar roll on the defense team, much less traumatic over the short-run without question. But, I am hoping that I will reach a point where enough of me has transitioned to make return to the former more difficult than continuation to evolve.
Likely, there is large symmetry in the offense and defense camps. Yin bears a striking resemblance to Yang. So, in speaking of one we really are speaking of either. Once we get deep into the camp we are likely to remain there for a good while. But if we are moving between the two, or find ourselves to be a newcomer then some vigilance is needed to remain.
I try to have something that is pleasurable to look forward to a few weeks away, a few months away, and a year plus out. This gives me a backdrop of hopeful optimism to weather the turbulence of life and my own biochemistry. Planned travel, taking a course, or scheduling time with friends allow for this pleasant vision on the near, mid, and longer time horizon. I limit my time on social media; no need to see the distorted view of what life could or should look like. I eat foods good for my body, I read things good for my soul, and I get exercise good for my being. I lean on friends when I need to, I allow myself to backslide and have bad days, but I keep asking “what do I want” “what can I experience” “what kind of joy do I want to pursue”. Life doesn’t have to be caviar and champagne, a good piece of bread with warm butter does just fine. After days of this it becomes second nature, I am again “living to live”. I am dreaming of travel and adventure and new meals and closer ties to loved ones. I am back for now on team Offense.
Ok for now on team Offense.
